When Life Gives You Lemons…
Make lemonade. That’s how the saying goes, right?
I’ve had writers block for WEEKS. Months in fact. It’s actually taken about 20 attempts and more hours than I’d like to admit out loud to write this. I’m still not certain if I’m happy with it, but here we go.
It’s been a pretty turbulent time to say the least.
I’m not going to into detail because I don’t feel it’s necessary, but I’ll talk around it.
My ex and I have parted ways, but it’s okay. And I’m okay.
I didn’t totally see it coming but that’s often the way it goes and for whatever reason, it just wasn’t meant to be.
Break-ups are rubbish there’s no denying it and the first week or so was mega shit. I packed up and moved home which was hard. Especially seeing as I haven’t lived at home in almost 4 years, but I’m lucky. I have a great relationship with my parents. We’re very close and that’s something I now know I won’t take for granted. Of course, we have our ups and downs, but they are extremely understanding. They’re actually saints.
We were together for a long time. I really gave it my all and I’ve come away learning something about myself. We had relationship highs – which I haven’t deleted from my memory just because we’ve broken up, those memories are still there. But of course, there were lows.
Breaking up in Thailand was hard AF and one of the things I also found tricky was deliberating whether to remain ‘online’ whilst out there or not. In the end, I decided to. It’s a decision that I totally back and I’m glad I made.
I [try to] post daily content whether that be IG stories, grid or blog posts – so completely disappearing would have made it pretty obvious that something wasn’t quite right. And if I’m honest, I didn’t want that.
I told my family, close friends and that was enough. I also had collaborations, visits and work to do whilst I was out there and whilst it may not seem like ‘actual work’ to others, it is for me. If you had an office job or a meeting the day after a break up, you’d still have to go in and that’s how I viewed my trip. Sometimes you can’t let your private life interfere too much with your professional one – if that makes any sense at all.
I’d also been looking forward to getting away for SO long that I decided to make it the best I could for me. I went to yoga classes, gyms, shops, markets, food stalls – I really embraced it. Sure, towards the end of the trip it got crappy but, it was probably always going too and that’s okay. I turned to my family and friends those days.
I’m not going to go into any more detail than that out of respect for us both, but when I say I’m okay, I actually mean it. It’s not a front or a filter I’m putting on to save face.
I’ve been in a long-term relationship before so I know the score. Some days, you feel like a queen ready to take on the world and other days, you just can’t. I’ve experienced them both – again. But, I have and will continue to remind myself that I deserve someone who makes me feel good. Who can make me smile even when I don’t want to. And that person deserves the same from me. There will be arguments along the way, that’s normal. But, you grow with that person and figure out the tricky bits along the way – together.
After my first heartbreak, I remember not being able to get out of bed because of that awful fear that no one would ever love me again and I’d never feel the same way for someone. I’d be lying if I didn’t do the same EXACT thing the day I moved home. But of course it’s not true. There will always be love in your life. The love you have for your family, friends – that still counts.
We are all lovable. Someone who you may or may not already know will love you for YOU one day. And I know that for a few reasons thanks to my cute little mum.
1. You’ve been in love before and you’ve been hurt. But,you’re intelligent, kind, compassionate.
2. You are SO deserving of love.
You tend to feel every possible emotion when you experience a break up. Anger, sadness, frustration – but whatever emotion you’re feeling, allow yourself to feel it. An outpouring of emotion is satisfying and every now and then we need it. It’s healthy. 9/1o, you’ll feel so much lighter after allowing yourself to just feel it.
Had it meant to have been, it would have been. The good times still happened. But now, I, we, you get to move on with more knowledge of what we want from the next relationship. We often learn more from our loses than we do from our wins as harsh as those lessons are.
Time is a wonderful healer. You will feel better in the end and it does get easier.
Everything will be okay and if it’s not, it’s not the end – one of my all time favourite quotes.
Bath is flipping small and it feels smaller when something like this happens. But, you keep going and you keeping doing you.
Don’t let a tricky situation stop you from doing what brings you joy and happiness.
Now is your time to put yourself at the top of your to-do-list every single day. The rest will fall into place.